Funny new English words, Sort of

This is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n . Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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Headlines that don't match the underlying story

I really hate that. I know that headlines are supposed to grab your attention and make you want to read the actual story, but seriously, must they be misleading? Take, for instance, this little news snippet.

The headline says “Hutton Helps Elderly Woman After Airport Collapse” which on the surface looks like Hutton is very heroic, helping an elderly woman after an airport collapsed. But if you actually read the story, it turns out the elderly woman merely collapsed at the airport, not that airport collapsed on her.

Seriously. Is this kind of deception really necessary?

Movies so awful it's painful to watch, and why I can't stop

That's one thing that pisses me off. There are movies so bad godawfully bad that everyone involved should be tarred and feathered and then drawn and quartered, especially those actors who, knowing it was going to be awful, went ahead and did it any for the paycheque.

Take BloodRayne, for example. It was such an unredeemable two hours of unimaginable crap that all the cellulose should've been burnt the moment it left the cutting room floor. The only thing that saved it was Kristanna Loken, and even there her bad acting and lame attempts at doing her own fights kept drawing attention to the fact that the movie was crap.

So why is it that I can't stop watching this stuff? I'm sure there's some kind of psychological reason for it, something with a Latinate name, something they give you the good drugs for.

And yes, God help me, I'm waiting for BloodRayne 2 to come out on TMN so I can avoid the temptation of paying for it. And now, there's BloodRayne 3 coming in 2009, and I'm kinda waiting for it, too. It's going to be awful, but that won't stop me from watching.

Builders who don't tell their customers about house safety equipment

That really burns my goat. Why wouldn't a builder tell his customer that the two smoke detectors they put in aren't just for detecting smoke, but also for carbon monoxide(CO) monitoring. That way, when it starts screaming for no visible reason, the resident can make an intelligent decision as to what is going and what to do about it.

Otherwise, you have people possibly living with carbon monoxide in their homes and not even know it.

D'oh!